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I remember once……………

Life can be, well life. Things don’t turn out the way we think they will. When I was younger all though I wasn’t carefree I had a lot less worries and cares. Then I became an adult and everything as always changes.

Sometimes I sit and try and think about the things I wanted as a kid. It turns out most of the time I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t have many friends unless they were relatives. I knew whatever it was job wise I wanted to be some sort of maker – but as is life things did not turn out that way.

I realize I don’t want to keep talking about how depressed I have been over the past weeks especially – no one wants to be a Debbie Downer. But I can’t shake this feeling and it feels like it might be getting worst. I have these hours of wanting to cry, which is NOT a good look at work. I’m not drowning myself in food or drugs. The small moments of joy I have is when I play ESO and Sims, I’ve noticed if I don’t have anyone to talk to in ESO while I play I get kinda sad and listless. This week that changes because I’m running an event on Sunday with one of my guilds, so the prep for it has been a bit much.

 

*PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A CONTINUATION AND 16 DAYS HAVE PASSED*

The event went great and I’m doing it again next week ^_^

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*Looks Around*

Are you people still here? That’s cool thanks for staying around – LoL. So what’s been going on? Well I have been working a CRAZY amount, mainly because 2 people left and now I’m training the replacement. Mainly it’s starting early and leaving late, when I get home I feel dog tired. I nap about 30 minutes everyday when I get home.

Looking at myself in the mirror this morning I realized I have a LOT of gray hair. I mean I KNOW that in theory, but when you’re feeling drained it’s like everything sucks ass. I haven’t colored my hair in about 6 months, it was a nice blue. I was thinking about going back to black hair but it makes me looked so drained because of my undertone. Usually I do a lot of reds. I was kinda thinking of doing pink – but everyone seems to do that. I’ve been turning the idea around to go full gray – is that weird?

I don’t actually think these posts through – so the tiredness is getting the best of me. Don’t give up on me guys – promise I will pick it up better when I get some more sleep.

TRYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Ok so I am trying to write in the blog – it’s not stressing me out or anything, I seem to be busy??????????????? Who knew?

So WHAT’S BEEN GOING DOWN IN THIS TOWN? Well I was feeling depressed for the last 3 days, but I’m on the way back up

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Or at least if I keep telling myself that and it will be a much easier ride for me. I am doing the best I can and that’s all anyone can really do now a days.

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Is a love/hate relationship. So I’ve been  making the characters and what not. I haven’t used any cheats because frankly I keep forgetting them. I went a bit crazy with making stuff bigger – so after building a chair fort (I’m such a dork) I actually started doing the things:

  1. I was NOT aware that you could change the default property. I’m going to be honest – the buildings are soooooooooooooooo blargh. Don’t get me wrong they are umm nice? But still VERY ewww.

I started with the library – cause you all KNOW I love books and libraries. I only changed some of the interior – light fixtures and the kids reading room. The things they give you in base  game is niceish, but i can very much see why people get expansion packs. I don’t have any of them – just working with the base game. (We aren’t going to talk about all the free content/mods – that’s a WHOLE nother post).

Ok wait let me back up and explain, when you start playing you have a choice of 3 areas – Willow Creek is one of them – it’s the burbs.

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This is just a small part of the Willow Creek Area. Ok so as you can see from the picture you get a museum, a bar(?), a gym, a library and a park.

 

I think its nice you have at least something to start off with, I played SimCity for about 2 years so I have a basic idea about building. it crossed my mind that I had NO idea why these were the places they picked. But whatever right? Anyway I clicked on the property and there is the edit option. None of my Sims has been in any of these buildings so I can’t tell you too much about how they look from their prospective yet.

Editing is somewhat counter intuitive – I went a bit wonky and cross-eyed till I figured some of it out. A good point is that there is NO charge to change things in the buildings – you can clear it all out and fill it back up no problem. The front street view of the buildings is basic as well, but there is a water/river area behind which is kinda nice.

 

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Back Street View

 

*OK so it is now been 4 days since I started writing this and to be honest I have no idea what I was going on about. So I’m still going to post this cause I don’t want it to just sit. *shrug*

Creating

A lot of not great things have been going down in my life, all I can say is change is hard. That I can just continue on and hope for the best results.

There have been good things as well. Victor is enjoying school. Or rather you know not hating it. Hes in 4th grade now so they will be steping up the work load, not that im worried about that. He has a solid summer homeschool agenda so he wont be behind any one else. If anything he will be ahead and I just have to supplement the things they teach the kids. He is also taking more of a responsible role in his self care. Picking out his clothing and preparing himself in the morning to start the day. Im keeping his hair short so its not a hassle for him in the mornings.

I have a bunch of books for him to read through as well, just one more thing on a list of things.

My job has changed my schedule again, but its way better. So instead of getting out of work at 6:30pm I will be getting out at 3. I still will have off Fridays and Saturdays. Frankly that’s good cause I can do the parent teacher thing and run errands when I need to. It also gives me a chance to do house cleaning without the worry of having him underfoot. Hell I , might be able to take a trip over a long weekend.

I got to talk to my aunt yeaterday which is always an experience. She filled me in on the family gossip. So you understand I have a very large family and I don’t really talk to anyone. Its not that I don’t love them, its more like they dont understand me. Minus my sister, my aunt and a few cousins.

Its like we come from different worlds. In my dealings with them I have always been about 75% myself. They except that sometimes. Its almost like haveing multi personqlities. Im going to say the friends ive made online know me way better. I can be my goofy weird self and its ok. I have spoken to a lot of really kind people, pretty much all of them married with families. Is it wrong to say I used to get jelous of them and the lives they lead? I know it seems weird, l would never want that to change though. Even if I end up the crazy loner in real life at least its positive human interactions.


Growing

A large part of my childhood was spent alone – not that I didn’t have family I just didn’t really socialize too much with them. This was mainly I believe due to the fact that my parents passed away when I was very young. My Grandmother raised my brother and I and she was already pretty old by the time we started living with her. She had already had 13 of her own children (yeah BIG family – lol).

Interactions with my family were in some ways good and sometimes not so much – but of course anyone can say that. I spent a lot of time alone, I didn’t know how to relate to children my own age – I had an “Old” mindset. I also would often go with my Grandmother to work. She was a house keeper so I was exposed to people who were in a way higher payment bracket than I was. A lot of time was spent in my head trying to just be happy or as close as I could get.

A lesson I learned very early on was the art of the pleasant face. I would often smile and be outgoing because that was what was expected of me. I was of service. Of course when no one was looking I was very inquisitive and noisy always poking into corners and finding things out.

Was it the best probably not, I also found out I was a very lonely child. As much as I loved my cousins they weren’t my brothers and sisters. They had their own family unit and i was just tolerated. Of course that may not have been 100% true but it sure did feel like it. So i just tried to be myself – I went through phases. Goth, punk,metal, rap – I was never one to cause any serious waves but I was trying hard to figure out who I was as a person. I have to say my sister was a big help. She would often let me spend weekends at her house to sort of get away.

My sister is an artist and always has been and a lot of her friends were the same. They didnt’ judge me, they showed me a lot of things I might not have ever really seen otherwise. I learned about comics and music and dozens of other things. Later on I met my ex husband, he showed me all types of places in the city – somewhere I think I was afraid to go on my own. He gave me the freedom to be my weird self and try new things.

What does this mean? It means I am in a bubble and not in a bubble. There is a certain way I would like to see myself as, but most like never really be. There are things I am interested in, but now I often feel I am to old and missed the window for when that would be ok.

I don’t have a lot of physical in person friends because frankly I don’t really know how to keep them. I spend a LOT of my time at home and don’t really go out. When it gets to the point when someone COULD be my friend I seem to fall off the wagon – no contact and when I finally do its like nothing has happened on my end even if its been like years. Of course I think people understand this but I still feel sort of guilty about it.

 

Could have SWORN…..

I started writing a post on my tablet and apparently didn’t save the draft so when I logged in to finish it up  THERE IS NOTHING THERE. Oh well, life goes on I’m enjoying the blogging at least.

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Everything is going well with the game – or not. SO I have it loaded on the computer in the kitchen (it’s a HP TouchSmart 9300 Elite – I got free from work). Victor spends a lot of time there if I let him. Which means it doesn’t have to be super powerful since he mainly plays online games like Roblox and stuff.

My mistake was I GUSHED over add-ons, without realizing what I was really getting myself into. There are for real so many different types to pick from, I went a bit crazy ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD the game wouldn’t load…lol.

I couldn’t figure out why – but I had some ideas of how to fix it. I went through a lot of different things – making sure the game was patched, making sure it was not broken. So I decided to get rid of all the CC stuff. Or rather I took everything out of the Mod folder in the game and put in a separate folder. I picked maybe 20 things and started with that. BOOM the game loaded – EXCITING. Since it was like 1:30 in the morning I decided to stop for the night.

Later I’m going to just delete all the add-on’s except for the ones that I know to work. I also loaded the game to the other computer, it’s more powerful and my gaming unit.

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The new patch for the game is coming out soon and it’s Hallow Jack Season again…. it’s Halloween for ESO. So they are of course having new crates. I want to be excited about this, but there isn’t really anything there that holds my interest – BUT there is one thing I hate….

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DO YOU SEE THIS??????

They call it the Hallow Jack Netch and I has QUESTIONS…..how did it get the pumpkin on its head? I mean I could understand almost any OTHER creature getting themselves all caught up like this. How did it get a pumpkin on itself? I’m going to be honest I HATE this thing, not netches mind you I love those things. BUT this is just stupid and ugly. I think it would have been a lot better to just change the glow of it to like orange and black or even red and black. Dear lord at least it’s not on FIRE. If they wanted to go with the cheese factor why not put a freakin’ ghost costume on it?

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So I’m watching this show on TV here’s a link – it’s supposed to be based on the movies. Now I didn’t dislike the Purge movies – I in my own way enjoyed them very much. They do reflect an era we are living in. I went so far to write a few of my own stories based off of the movies. Well if you haven’t seen the show here’s a blurb from the website:

During a 12-hour period when all crime — including murder — is legal, a group of seemingly unrelated characters cross paths in a city in an altered America. While the clock winds down, some will fight, some will hide, others will embrace what it means to purge to its fullest extent — whether for revenge, personal gain, protection, or unadulterated glee. As each character is forced to reckon with his or her past and plot how to better their futures, they soon discover how far they will go on Purge Night.

To be honest I’m not sure how to take this show. I also realize I’m not the best at writing reviews so bear with me. The show starts a few hours before Purge starts – there are 4 stories going on at the same time. No main character but a bunch of main characters – if that makes sense. No lie some things seem really freakin’ boring and petty. Oh there is a cult of course sending out young people to die. A brother back from the Marines looking for his sister. A couple who want to get money from a rich guy and his family so they have to play nice. I would say give it a watch and maybe you’ll be into it – some stuff was very predictable, but i’m just that sort of person…LoL

ok that’s all for now – HUGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Makin’ My Way Down Town

 

AHOY AHOY everyone – I hope all of you have been having a decent time since last I posted. For all of you with kids – HAPPY BACK TO SCHOOL GET THE KIDS OUT OF THE HOUSE season. For those who don’t have human children – HAPPY MAKING IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY. I hope all is as right as it can be in your worlds. So lets see?? Hmmmmmm…… ok first my ESO news.

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LIBERATE CYRODIIL DURING THE IMPERIAL CITY ANNIVERSARY EVENT AND EARN BONUS REWARDS!

Return to the heart of Tamriel with our Imperial City Anniversary Event! While the three Alliances continue to vie for control of Cyrodiil, the Imperial City itself remains firmly under Daedric occupation. Dive into the capital during the event and earn bonus rewards including double Tel Var Stones, double the chance to find unique drops, and more!

Yup PVP madness in the Imperial City. My guildies and I decided we were going to give it a go last night. There was about 10 of us and since Saturday’s are our usual PvP time we went for it. We had a BLAST – I brought my Imperial Cilano who I have respected to front bar sword/board and back bar resto staff. (It’s more of a Battle Grounds build – but it worked). We got killed maybe twice. After a while in the sewers we decided to go top side and do some traditional PvP. We sieged a few keeps, flipped some resources and had an all around good time. I logged out at 12 and they were still going (I would have stayed but I had to be to work on Sunday at 7am). I still log into the game every day and do some daily things and treasure maps cause that’s just how I roll. I have been picked to do trivia next Sunday because apparently everyone enjoys it when I come up with questions…Yeaaa I’m helping…

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Dead Frontier 2 has gone live, Here is the link on steam I haven’t had a chance to play yet, but it looks AMAZING. A nice old-fashioned zombie killing game. If you get a chance check it out. I especially like the fan fiction in the forums section, and have written a bit of my own stuff (just haven’t posted any of it yet – lol).

 

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OK now about the Sims 4 and what it’s doing. I have as of YET to log into the actual game. The reason being as there are so many add-ons and mods for it I have been looking at a lot of them. I have also been looking into HOW to do mods. Right off the bat I have to tell you what I have noticed – there are 2 types of Sim peeps. One wants everything hyper real and the other likes to stay as close to the original as possible

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This is a more Hyper real skin

Source: https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-hair-hairstyles-female/title/-s4-unicorn-hair-%5Bretexture-mesh-needed%5D/id/1390582/

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A bit more of the original game sim (although eyes are not)

Source: dangerouslyfreejellyfish.blogspot.com

Now I can see the Pro’s and Con’s of both things – but I think I will stay with the one closest to the original.

Another thing I seem to have noticed is there aren’t as many options for Minority Sims – the hair textures for them is AWFUL. I did a lot of searching and thank goodness people are fixing this issue, but it still is not exactly what I’m looking for. (note: apparently I was looking in the wrong places cause I just found 2 that could actually work for me). 

A gripe I AM having is the lack of tusks for Orcs…sure maybe it’s just me who has this issue. Not just tusks but houses for them as well. So guess who has a project as soon as they figure out how to do it? THIS CHICK. Oh and the green for the skin is cute but like blarghish. So i’m also in search of something to fix that. I did find some cute horns.

So for most of the YouTube videos I’ve seen everyone uses like Photoshop and blender to do their fixes. I don’t have photoshop and am looking for a free option – if anyone has suggestions that would be great.

Speaking of houses – OH MY BLOB there are a lot of options – my inner architect is foaming at the mouth. I’m so super happy that I can’t wait to start building – but of course I will. I wanted to base it on this city I dream about often. It has 4 sections so it lines up really well with maps they give you in the free version – although I’m wondering if I can get and or find a black sand beach?

Oh I made a tumblr page oto post the things I have been finding and at some point to post my creations ^_^ My Sims Tumblr page

Well that’s all for now – HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE.