Am I to Old to Be Cute?

I know you are wondering – what is she talking about now? Of course you can’t be to old to be cute – but hear me out cause I’m being specific about somethings. It took me a long time to write this post, frankly because I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to write it at all. If you’ve been reading the blog I have of course given out fun facts about me and my life. Pretty much how I more or less view myself depending on the mood by brain is in at that time. 

Now I am 42 years old – not a spring chicken in any stretch of the imagination. As for my looks I can go either way – I think I’m rather plain looking, but i have a good personality so there is that. Growing up my Grandmother instilled in me that looks aren’t all that important – while also saying they are. One should be clean and smile and be pleasant in personality. Clothing should fit well, hair brushed and if one were to wear makeup nothing overly dramatic. All good solid advice for sure. My aunts of course were DIVA STARS, the loved dressing up, wearing makeup and didn’t think twice about wearing wigs of various colors and lengths. I spent a good amount of time helping them to get ready for dates and parties and enjoyed it very much. I have an eye for coordinating things in a way that looked good and after dressing them would have impromptu photo shoots. They OF COURSE wanted the same for me to some degree – often trying to get me to do the same as them. I had my moments – my hair has been a variety of different colors and shaving my head was never a problem. Now though when i look at myself in the mirror I have times when I want to express myself more. I am IN LOVE with cute fashion. Quirky fashion. Cultural fashion. I like the combinations and the mix of colors or lack of colors, in a way this is all mixed up with these “personalities” I have. Not like multi-personality disorder, that is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly. 

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I know because of how I was raised I have a lot of disassociation. There us a part of me that will stay within these lines, but another part of me that doesn’t. It’s a bit crazy – I like wearing bows to work and fun colors. I make earrings and things like that but don’t wear them as they were considered “flashy” when I was growing up. I can apply makeup in a pleasant way that looks very natural.

What does this have to do with being cute? I have so many parts of my personality that I want to express, but don’t. I don’t know how to really be this carefree person I want to be. I don’t know how to convince myself that its OK. There isn’t anyone who’s permission I can ask – if that makes sense. It has been making me feel bad for a while now. Manly because I feel as if I’m doing people who are my “friends” a disservice. HOW can they be friends with someone who is so complicated? Which is selfish to say as ALL people are complicated. I think it’s because I don’t really know anyone I can be 100% myself with, not even myself. 

Add onto that I’m not sure how to make friends with people who share the same sort of mixed up interests. I don’t go out anywhere  – mainly because I have this feeling of guilt when it comes to ME instead of focusing on helping my kids. Which in itself is messed up because how can I expect well adjusted children if I can’t be happy with myself – which is deeper level weird as I don’t want to be fake to them. It’s a vicious circle and I’m getting tired of it now.

I know you can’t depend on others for your happiness/contentment. That you should look into yourself to be strong and be the person you want to be. I’m just having a hard time with it and have been for a while. In the end its not doing anything but making me feel sad and I don’t want to be sad anymore. Yesterday after I got home from work, made sure Victor was all together I went to sleep – at 7:30 pm. I woke up at 6 am this morning. Which is fine since he goes to bed at the same time. I didn’t feel any better, I’m drained most of the time now. There are some projects I want to do but haven’t even started yet. But whatever now i feel more sad so ‘m going to just end this here.

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Update to Life

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYY everyone – so once again I see I haven’t been writing much – BUT it is OK I’m at peace with it. There is an actual reason for it this time. I have been busyish? Work has been all over the place, holidays have come and gone and life continues on. OK maybe not holidays over with there still is Xmas or whatever you celebrate so that’s ok too.

DID I mention I was playing this? Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.

SO I have been streaming – not as much as I would like or as often, but I really have been. It is mostly Maple Story 2 and ONE Elder Scrolls Online. I’m trying to get a schedule together. In the short amount of time I have been doing it I have like 17 followers. It really is exciting times….https://www.twitch.tv/sunnybunny251

I’m having a little issue with the audio, it just doesn’t capture well. I think I may have to turn up the volume from the headset – but that makes it to loud for me to hear. For some reason I also can’t seem to hear the music in the game – not sure why that is.

I have also been looking into other games – One of them is Dying Light 2 (link to a video: https://youtu.be/KRScQU_bS1s ) I didn’t play the first one but have always been interested in it. I may have to get the first one to do the things with and when the second one comes out I can enjoy that. It’s only like $20 on humble bundle right now.

Another I have my eye on is Slime Rancher (link to video: https://youtu.be/oOL-dsa79Xs)

It seems like another of those really cute games that I would enjoy. OK tats it for now – talk later.

*disclaimer* I actually wanted to write more but this new WordPress setup is a pain in the ass and I don’t like it. Im not in the mood to be annoyed since I still have 4 hours of work and i don’t want my annoyance lvl to go any higher then it is.

What’s Been Going On

I have been busy and i sort of like it and don’t like it at the same time. The change to my work hours has been going on for about 2 weeks now and it’s the oddest thing. I mean not so much in a bad way – but just weird.

Leaving work at 3 pm I walk down the street and look at the trees and the way the light is and the hum of the street. It’s pleasant  and I don’t feel rushed. Of course the down side is my body adjusting to the change – I get up early, which any adult with a child will do anyway. I used to not have to be in until 2 pm on Mondays and Thursday, but now I just open at the same time. And boy oh boy has it been messing with me. I am so tired by the time I leave work I crash as soon as I get home. Don’t get me wrong I was doing that before, but it’s just like pure knock out now. I wake up usually an hour later – which is weird cause you know its only like 4 or 5 pm. So I have actual left over time to do the things. Sadly I’m not inspired to do much till later on.

I did hit one goal of starting to stream my game play on Twitch – it’s Maple Story 2 so it’s just me learning how to play the game. I am having fun with it, I have 7 followers (woot woo). It’s been fun and I know I will add more games later on.

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https://twitch.tv/sunnybunny251

It’s been work, but I don’t care I’m enjoying it. Of course there are down sides – I don’t have an actual chair at my computer desk at home – it is literally a box with a cushion on it. I now have this pain in my rear from sitting there for so long. I think I have another one I can put on it to make it a bit more comfy but who knows at this point. I also am having this random eye and head pain – I know it’s from looking at the screen for so long. So I’ve been looking into getting a pair of those glasses that filter out the blue light.

Let me tell you trying to order glasses online is a THING.  There are all types of measurements and lens and stuff.(I mean duh of course right?) It’s been interesting, I learned I need my glasses to be at least 137mm (5.39in) or it will look like i’m wearing kiddie glasses. My PD is 70mm – a PD is Pupil Distance. Like from one pupil to the other, this helps to make sure the lens are sitting in the right spot.

There are a CRAZY amount of places to get these glasses and I have been reading reviews most of the morning. There are a lot of different types and prices. I noticed the way cheaper ones are not big enough for me to wear without looking like a weirdo and not in a good way. SO it looks like it will be one more thing on my list of things, but I do have a few I really like:

these have a pretty blue color and are made by Spektrum and are the Prospek-50 in Granite. Price is 49.95 before shipping and tax.

I found these for cheaper by a company named Siphew. I think I might go with these for now, but not so sure about the actual shape of the glasses.

Now THESE I really like they hit about the mid price range and the style looks really super cute and not usual to what I have been seeing. The few reviews I’ve seen are on the positive side. The product name is Yizmo and they are made with Bamboo. The weird thing with these is there is no information about the company that I can find. I’m thinking they are a part of a bigger company (Like Gunner or something like that).

Another small goal for the week is figuring out how to get the twitch videos onto YouTube – nothing big, but still a thing…OK talk to you all later ^_^

 

What’s Going Down In This Town?

Hey everyone, so things have been super super busy. Two girls left my job – which is fine they are on to bigger and better things I guess. So the other receptionist and I had to sort of pull it together. Which meant a crazy amount of hours. The last 3 weeks I have averaged over  50 something hours per week. They did finally hire someone – but I had to train him. Also fine no problem just means more hours of working. Last week was supposed to be when he started on his own and I was excited for it. Mainly because it means  I would be getting out of work at 3 pm instead of 6:30 pm. Also because Halloween is coming up and I would ACTUALLY have time to finish costumes this year in a timely manor.

Sadly the Saturday he was supposed to start he had a seizure on the train – apparently this is something that happens and he is on medication for it. He is ok, but his Dr said he needed to not work for the week. Mainly for appointments and to make sure everything really is ok. More work hours for me I guess. By Sunday I was insanely tired, to the point I was feeling dizzy and getting vertigo. If you have ever had to deal with that you’ll know its not fun at all. But I made it through, I got off work at 5 instead of 6. I went home kissed my family hello and promptly went to sleep for 2 hrs. Woke still feeling tired but able to move with no weirdness happening.

I put the last touches on Victors costume and started mine. I had such GLORIOUS PLANS – but it’s not going to happen. Not enough time in the day. Of course I realize that I didn’t even tell you guys what I planned on dressing as – lol

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The face of someone who had a nice nap lol

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I remember once……………

Life can be, well life. Things don’t turn out the way we think they will. When I was younger all though I wasn’t carefree I had a lot less worries and cares. Then I became an adult and everything as always changes.

Sometimes I sit and try and think about the things I wanted as a kid. It turns out most of the time I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t have many friends unless they were relatives. I knew whatever it was job wise I wanted to be some sort of maker – but as is life things did not turn out that way.

I realize I don’t want to keep talking about how depressed I have been over the past weeks especially – no one wants to be a Debbie Downer. But I can’t shake this feeling and it feels like it might be getting worst. I have these hours of wanting to cry, which is NOT a good look at work. I’m not drowning myself in food or drugs. The small moments of joy I have is when I play ESO and Sims, I’ve noticed if I don’t have anyone to talk to in ESO while I play I get kinda sad and listless. This week that changes because I’m running an event on Sunday with one of my guilds, so the prep for it has been a bit much.

 

*PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A CONTINUATION AND 16 DAYS HAVE PASSED*

The event went great and I’m doing it again next week ^_^

*Looks Around*

Are you people still here? That’s cool thanks for staying around – LoL. So what’s been going on? Well I have been working a CRAZY amount, mainly because 2 people left and now I’m training the replacement. Mainly it’s starting early and leaving late, when I get home I feel dog tired. I nap about 30 minutes everyday when I get home.

Looking at myself in the mirror this morning I realized I have a LOT of gray hair. I mean I KNOW that in theory, but when you’re feeling drained it’s like everything sucks ass. I haven’t colored my hair in about 6 months, it was a nice blue. I was thinking about going back to black hair but it makes me looked so drained because of my undertone. Usually I do a lot of reds. I was kinda thinking of doing pink – but everyone seems to do that. I’ve been turning the idea around to go full gray – is that weird?

I don’t actually think these posts through – so the tiredness is getting the best of me. Don’t give up on me guys – promise I will pick it up better when I get some more sleep.

TRYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Ok so I am trying to write in the blog – it’s not stressing me out or anything, I seem to be busy??????????????? Who knew?

So WHAT’S BEEN GOING DOWN IN THIS TOWN? Well I was feeling depressed for the last 3 days, but I’m on the way back up

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Or at least if I keep telling myself that and it will be a much easier ride for me. I am doing the best I can and that’s all anyone can really do now a days.

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Is a love/hate relationship. So I’ve been  making the characters and what not. I haven’t used any cheats because frankly I keep forgetting them. I went a bit crazy with making stuff bigger – so after building a chair fort (I’m such a dork) I actually started doing the things:

  1. I was NOT aware that you could change the default property. I’m going to be honest – the buildings are soooooooooooooooo blargh. Don’t get me wrong they are umm nice? But still VERY ewww.

I started with the library – cause you all KNOW I love books and libraries. I only changed some of the interior – light fixtures and the kids reading room. The things they give you in base  game is niceish, but i can very much see why people get expansion packs. I don’t have any of them – just working with the base game. (We aren’t going to talk about all the free content/mods – that’s a WHOLE nother post).

Ok wait let me back up and explain, when you start playing you have a choice of 3 areas – Willow Creek is one of them – it’s the burbs.

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This is just a small part of the Willow Creek Area. Ok so as you can see from the picture you get a museum, a bar(?), a gym, a library and a park.

 

I think its nice you have at least something to start off with, I played SimCity for about 2 years so I have a basic idea about building. it crossed my mind that I had NO idea why these were the places they picked. But whatever right? Anyway I clicked on the property and there is the edit option. None of my Sims has been in any of these buildings so I can’t tell you too much about how they look from their prospective yet.

Editing is somewhat counter intuitive – I went a bit wonky and cross-eyed till I figured some of it out. A good point is that there is NO charge to change things in the buildings – you can clear it all out and fill it back up no problem. The front street view of the buildings is basic as well, but there is a water/river area behind which is kinda nice.

 

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Back Street View

 

*OK so it is now been 4 days since I started writing this and to be honest I have no idea what I was going on about. So I’m still going to post this cause I don’t want it to just sit. *shrug*