A Time of Grieving

My Grandmother passed away last week and I’m still pretty weird about it. Not so much sad, as sort of floating in limbo. She was 97 years old – a very long time to be alive. She was not always the easiest person to get along with. In truth she seemed to enjoy pitting family members against each other. don’t get me wrong I kinda understand – she enjoyed being in the middle of things.

The down side being she couldn’t really be close to people. When MY parents passed when I was 5 she took in my brother and I. She was already in her 60’s, she didnt have to but she did. My life with her was good enough – we got along pretty well. We didn’t talk often but when we did we laughed.

She also always gave me the weirdest advice.

Don’t let a man buy you icecream all he’ll think about is sex.

Always make sure you have $20 in your shoe in case of emergencies.

If you spend $600 on a pair of shoes the food you put in your mouth better be good.

Things like that. She didn’t tell me she loved me till I was 18 years old, but she explained that love was making sure you were fed and had a roof over your head.

I loved my Grandmother – she was the last tie I had to the town I grew up in, that i STILL live in. Now she’s gone and I think it’s time for me to move on. It’s a big decision for me and I’m scared out of my mind. BUT maybe things can now get better.

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In Loving Memory

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Grandma and Max

My Grandmother Martha Harris passed away on Wednesday August 7th. She was 97 years old. It has been tiring dealing with it. No not dealing with it but dealing with my family.

When I got divorced 13 years ago I moved back home with her. She didn’t judge me about it – just opened her door and let me and my then 10 yo son move back in. My Grandmother and I had always been close. She raised me when my mother passed away when I was 5. We knew each other well, agreed on a lot,  and had learned how to orbit each other.

My sister and I were lucky in that we got to see her before she passed. I did what I usually did – I made jokes. I couldn’t tell if she could hear me or not. I said I knew she didn’t want all these people hovering over her. That her comforter was ugly (something we always shared was our love for interior design). Mainly I cried – I cried a lot. The woman in the bed was not my Grandmother. In the movies and TV they show images of people passing in the hospital. Laying calm and collected – that is NOT how it actually is most of the time. She was still for a bit, then she moved around a lot, then still again. I wanted to stay for as long as I could – but I knew I couldn’t. There was other family coming and to be honest I didn’t want to have to see them.

No one family is perfect – not ONE. Life has 3 sides – your side, their side and the truth. The truth from my perspective is that most of my family does not like the other side of my family. They don’t even pretend – they sincerely hate each other. There are the aunts and uncles (there are 13 of them) and they have kids and so on and so forth. A lot of the cousins as we call ourselves have absorbed the animosity from their parents. It’s sad but true. I am an anomaly, mainly because my parents died when I was young. Then being raised by Grandma I had bits and pieces of everyone and everything. It felt like having to many mothers and fathers sometimes. Until I hit about 12 and then it was no one and nothing. Or rather the put downs and feeling like a black sheep.

BUT I digress – my Grandmother is gone and i’m gonna miss her. She made me promise to not write anything about her and the family until after she died.

How to ask?

I’m writing this because of something that has happened. So I have a Samsung tablet that is a “new to me” type situation. I HATED it for a long time. It doesn’t get wifi in my house in some spots. It takes forever to charge, but it was free so I didn’t complain about it. It was already 5 years old when I got it and that was 3 years ago.

Last night it flickered, flickered and died. It charged 100%, it just doesn’t work any more. That makes me sad as I had some things on there I wanted to keep. Thank goodness my pictures are in the cloud, So I don’t have to worry about that.

I was talking to a friend about it and they told me I should just buy a new one. I’m like UH I don’t have a budget for that. I am the main bread winner in my family. My son will be starting back to school soon so everything not in bills and rent is held for back to school supplies and clothing.

I do own a Fire tablet (more then 5 years old) – the screen is cracked so it has packing tape on it. I also have an ipad that is about 8 years old (also has the packing tape screen). Both were new to me items handed down from my sister. So I mean ok. I have a desk top at home – something I am crazy proud of as I built it from scratch about 4 years ago. It’s still working like a charm.

BUT the tablet I need for day to day things. Communication, emails, reading, writing, note taking, photo editing. Just tons of things. Now I have been doing some thinking about it – so unless someone wants to GIVE me an old device they don’t use any more. ‘m gonna have to figure something out.

A suggestion a co-worker gave was maybe start a donation thing. So I do have that on my Twitch page so I can get bits – but I don’t have like a donation page. It started me to thinking…WHY would anyone WANT to donate money to me? I mean my blogging is ok. My Twitch game play is ok. What other services could I provide? I do have stories I write and jewelry pieces I make. Which could be potential for a bit of extra money.

I don’t want to be one of those people that complains a lot about things. My financial situation is MY situation. There are people out there who have medical bills they need to pay, medications they need to buy, food they need to provide. I get it and it sometimes makes me feel guilty that I WANT things.

I have to say yes, I am thankful – I don’t own a car as everything is in walking distance to where I live. I don’t have credit card debt for the reason that I DON’T use the card for anything I can’t pay off right then and there. I rent and pay utilities – as is life sometimes. I pay for my own health insurance and it’s high, but in the long run has been a good investment. Health wise I take precautions for both my son and I to keep us in fairly decent health. I don’t have big overhead, I am frugal for sure. Thinking about this is actually making me sad. I realize I actually don’t do the luxury living things. I haven’t taken a day off from work in 15 years. I haven’t bought new clothing for myself in like 6 years. I don’t even own a cellphone and haven’t for almost 9 years. Building the computer was the biggest luxury item I bought 3 years ago. Tax returns are used for bills, groceries and new things for my growing son (cause kids grow). Which is not anyone’s fault; I made the choice to have kids so I have to provide.

Anyway – I’m going off on a tangent….so I made a link to my PayPal.  

I’m not sure how well it’s gonna go, but I figured I would give it a try…I think I’m gonna set a goal of $500. That way I could get the tablet, case, maybe pen (?)…well enough of my ramble. you all have a GREAT day.

Fiddling Around

So it has come to my attention there are things called Dollmakers. It’s a create your own character type avatars. It’s actually kind of fun –  since i’m all about character creation I did spend a bit of time on these.  There are a LOT of them out there so I tried some just to see what it was like:

https://www.dolldivine.com/ this one has about 13 pages of options here are some Avatars I made using random ones..2

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https://picrew.me/  : This one is a bit different then the other. Picrew is an image maker platform that allows you to create an image maker with your own illustrations and to play with your own image maker. The sight is in Japanese, but it wasn’t an issue since i simply translated. There are a lot of good ones here – but some that could use a bit of work. Since its creator made it’s limited by the persons imagination. Here are some I liked

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These were just a few and although there were a lot of options some offered more then others. Since I’m always in search of a new Avatar one of these I MIGHT use.

MOUNT LOVE (not in a naughty way)

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Mounts in most games I have played are a get to a destination thing. They don’t fight they just carry you somewhere. Elder Scrolls Online has a system where you can unlock storage space on your mount, very helpful to us hoarders. You can also unlock speed and stamina. The mount selection is big, but mainly just a re-skin of a current thing. I have about 4 horses, 5 cat mounts, a guar, a giant tick beast (that I love) and 2 bears. Each of my toons has a mount they like to use and the rest I don’t actually use that often. BUT they can be used as housing items. Which I think is VERY clever. Since they have idol motion they give a little life to a otherwise “dead” area. I’m hoping someday they will have Bull Netch mounts cause they are one of my favorite creatures.

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I mean come on, I NEED a Battle Netch

 

Mounts were introduced to Guild Wars 2 in the Path of Fire expansion (which came out September 2017). Having mounts to me is a staple of MMORPG’s – you have to get around to different places. There may be a fast travel, but usually you have to pay for that most of the time. Now you can either run the distance or ride your trusty mount. The mounts in Guild Wars 2 are something else. Not only are they used for transport, but they can also fight. When you dismount you have this sort of attack skill. And each mount has its own thing.

Raptor: when dismounting they do a spin action that pulls the enemy to you. At first I wasn’t to big a fan of this as I am still working through my Thief Skills and thought for sure I was gonna die every time. In the end I was wrong, I have this really cool move I call spin to win and have been working on perfecting it during dismount. It basically is dropping like a stone in the middle of a fight, spinning and drawing enemies to me, hitting the dagger circle spin move then porting myself out of dodge. It’s been sorta kinda successful. Another skill is the long jump and I get a rush every time I use it, cause i’m SURE i’m not gonna make it.

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This is what it looks like – generic right out the box – I named mine Nacho.

 

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MurderCat got me a Skin for the Raptor

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Her name was Nacho and it is now Salsa

 

Skimmer: It is a manta-like creature which hovers over ground and water. Its movement ability lifts it significantly higher, so it can cross dangerous areas, reach ledges, and avoid attacks. It doesn’t make any noise and seems like it would have a very rubbery texture in real life. It’s special skill is that it does this barrel roll thing that knocks back enemies and heals your allies. It took me a bit to get used to it – but I have to say I use it the most. The laziness of the travel – it’s like perfect.

During the Four Winds Festival they have Skimmer races and I make pretty good time. They also have a playful personality – spinning in circles. Tapping your back. I feel like if my Skimmer could talk it would have a hippy voice – lol

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Look at that good boy

Springer: IT’S A FREAKIN BUNAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….I mean let’s be honest it is what it is. This thing jumps SUPER high – its not really to fast over land though, which is it’s downfall. It’s also super cute – because BUNEEEHHHHHHHHHHH. I have to admit I’m surprised the thing doesn’t have brain damage at this point. Image if you will:

ME: There is a mastery point on top of this building

Bunneh: *makes weird llame sheep sound*

Me: OK we are gonna do this right..

First attempt – straight up and down super bounce, *skoot skoot forward*, Second attempt – Straight up and down super bounce.

Me: DANG IT

*skkot,skoot forward* Practice regular hops, a little more skooting

Me: OK me are gonna do this Bunneh…I feel it this time (get more llama/sheep sounds as reply).

Me: 150% confident i’m gonna make it this time. I can FEEL it in my bones….I am of course making weird grunting sounds as well.  I press the space bar to jump and BOOM. Full head pound into the ceiling – not once but a number of times. I finally get to the point that I’m surprised the poor thing hasn’t been knocked out. I am also stuck on a ledge.

We are midway up the building – I’m scared to dismount cause I’ve spent a good 45 minutes trying to get up here. There is a crowd of players of griffins and dragons just watching me fail. I’m not yet frustrated, i’m still trying. I know I CAN do it, I just have to figure out HOW I can do it. My friend Murder takes pity on me – we are in discord together even though we are doing different things. (it works for us cause when either of us finds something cool we just tell the other person to come to us). He is laughing at me. After coming over to to where I am and lectures me on the importance of proper training of ones mount. (It wasn’t really a lecture I just took it that way)…Since he’s a mesmer he made me a portal up……. NAILED IT.

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SO DAM CUTE

 

SO that’s it for now i guess, these are the only mounts I have – but i’m working on the beetle, which is taking a lot of time.

(Here is a little video I found for you to watch if you want to : https://youtu.be/JA6NSZNPMR0)

WHY AM I HERE AGAIN????

I thought I was free….I thought I would never turn back after 4 YEARS of being away.

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It’s like an addiction I was hoping to be free of – but I’m not and I’m weak and I blame other people…freakin’ GUILD WARS 2.

Yeah they got me AGAIN – sucked me in and now I couldn’t get out if I wanted to. *deep sigh* YES it’s beautiful, YES it has an amazing story line YES I enjoy the pacing…..yes,yes,yes

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It’s true all of it is true – OK their player housing system really kinda sucks but listen you can’t have everything right? But I WAS free – I quit cold turkey. SO what had happened was this – My friend MurderCat he started playing and got sucked in. I warned him but he didn’t listen. So he was playing Elder Scrolls Online less and less – which made me sad because I ENJOY it, granted I wasn’t doing any real content just messing about doing treasure maps and other things. I was kinda bored of the story line after having 8 toons go through it. I wasn’t doing dungeons or delves or any of the group content. Mainly because there was no one I was bothered to do it with. I have made some amazing friend in Elder Scrolls Online – but we are also adults and life has a way of changing things.

So I went back over to GW2 – dusted off the old account got the newest expansion and away we go. This game is a time sink – you can spend 4hrs doing stuff and not be sure if you really even did much of anything. Everything is so in-depth with levels of creation and so welcoming it feels like a trap.

When you hit Level 80 there are zones specifically for you to do stuff in as you make  your way through your “story”. Let me tell you EVERYTHING is trying to kill you – no not even a joke. Plants, people, creatures, animals, the ground itself in some parts (I’m looking at you quicksand). The thing is, this is just PvE CONTENT…not even talking the 2 different types of PvP, or dungeons or Fractals or WHATEVER….and I’m LOVING it. I often find myself saying I hate this game – in which my friend says “No you don’t” and its true I don’t. I don’t hate this game even a little bit. It’s just SO overwhelming there is so much to do.

Now I find myself once again researching charts and what I need to craft armour – which I have to be like OVER level 400 crafting to do. Which means I need more mats. Which means if I don’t want to spend my silver on it I need to go farm it.

I’m finding myself on the guild wars 2 trading post looking at the buying selling prices of things to play the market.

I’m drooling over 2 riffles that THANKFULLY I can buy straight out just to get the skin for them – the one on the left is The Ebon Vanguard and the one on the right is the Shiverpeak Arquebus

yes there are SHINNIES – soooo many……I mean come on look at this: (Chaos Pistol on the left and Citrine Antique revolver on the right)

And these are JUST THE WEAPONS – not including armour. Some of them you have to precursor. As in you have to make the basic to upgrade it to the next level before you can get it to something else. It’s a LOT of work and I really likes it. To be honest I have just scratched the surface of the crafting thing. For my Thief Character she is doing Huntsman and Scribe ( the Scribe is more for guild stuff and PvP siege things).

How could I hate this – and now there are mounts (I have 3 of them and working on the racing beetle one, which would be my 4th). and events. The one right now is the Festival of the 4 Winds.

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This Wallpaper is from the website

I am KILLING IT on the races wit the Skimmers – I think they are a mount of choice for me. So prepare yourself to be a part of this crazy lol

I got the giggles

ok let me explain – so it’s Blaughast and as always i’m pretty excited to be doing the things. Although I’m PRETTY sure I’m gonna not do all of them and that’s ok. I will admit one of the really great things I love is that I get to find so many blogs to read. There are a lot of really talented people out there and they can create content like it was nothing (although I’m sure to them its something). Writing isn’t easy it takes a LOT of work and like any skill should be used as often as one can in order to stay sharp.

So today was my Check My Email Its Been A Couple Of Days day. I’m gonna be a hundred with you guys and let you know if I can get my inbox to like 400 I’m happy. (current count is 1,422 – DON’T JUDGE ME well not for that at least). So it shows a lot of activity on peoples blogs that I follow. Now I am a firm believer in supporting things people I like are passionate about. Meaning good positive things of course. If you’re a racist or a bigot or something along those lines I have to draw the line. I don’t have time for that energy.

As i’m going through I start reading peoples posts, liking some, commenting on others. It might not create a dialog, but sometimes it will bring a small sprinkle of happiness. I have a weird type of social anxiety. I have a part of me that is out going within reason but I can also have these panic attacks. It’s something I live with and it has gotten a lot better over the years. The few people I call friend understand – there will be times I will talk to you every day and others where it could likely be months between conversations. Its nothing personal. ANYWAY so the first blog I get to is this one the persons name is Syp and I don’t know them. Don’t think I’ve ever spoken to them. It’s a new blog i’m following thanks to Blagaust. In one of his posts he lists people who are doing the things. Getting to the list I saw my name – MY NAME AND MY BLOG NAME…..I was so happy. I know I blushed and had a silly grin on my face.

Why am I sharing this? Easy, sometimes what we do is seen by the Universe. Sometimes that project that you pour your heart into get recognized as being a thing. As being real. Life can be frustrating and sad at time – but guess what? Someone see’s you and that can be a lot. A small zing in a land of dull. So I’m gonna try and make sure not only that this thing keeps going but that I drop a line to others and let them know we see you and it is good.

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