Monthly Archives: August 2019

Yeah Not Even Close

So it’s the 29th as two more months till the end of Blaugust – and I failed. Mainly because of my Grandmother passing away, I’ve been feeling like nothing and everything. I spent a good amount of time just working and vegging out.

The last few days I have been a lot more active I think. I’m looking to make some life changes which is always good. So last night I went to Walmart to buy some school supplies for the boy; It was a decent time. I decided to buy a new shower curtain and felt like an adult. I know it sounds weird to equate a shower curtain with adulting but it felt good (I also got a tooth brush holder).

I’ve been spending a LOT of time writing – it’s like this flood gate has opened and I’m jumping on it. I’m determined to become the person I WANT to be.

Advertisements

REALLY?

I was sort of stuck on what to title this post and I have to say REALLY? sums it up. Due to the family things i’ve been dealing with and the 100% death of my tablet I have rotated my entertainment life. I have am Amazon kindle fire 7 from like 2014. It has the amazing packing tape screen (dropped once to much) – BUT I can still use it to read books and play really simple games.

So something I had been meaning to do and putting off, was to get through my Amazon reading list. One of the things I kinda like about Amazon is you can self publish – you get a decent percentage off book sales – even if the book is listed as free you get something. The down side is you kinda start collecting free books after a while lol.

A few years back I started downloading free books – why not right? It was nice to have the classics and cook books. They also have free comics which is always a plus as far as i’m concerned. I read a bunch of new things too, and on very rare occasions I actually would buy the next book in the series. (That’s how you know I like it if i pay for it). As of today looking at my list I own 672 books; I have read about 100 of them. Some of them have been really good – and others not so much. I try and remember to leave a review for each one I finish, unless i really didn’t like it. You know the saying – you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all.

Most of the stories are LitRPG, Fantasy, Space Opera, Alternate History, Supernatural,  etc, etc… the reason I read these the most is because it is also the genre I write in. I am also very, very guilty of reading “trashy” books. We called them bodice rippers when I was a kid. That book that was on the VERY top shelf of the book case in your house. They cost something like $1….the ones with Fabio on the cover. You know the ones. *wink,wink*

So now they are called Erotic “insert your own thing here”, no pun intended. They have like 3 covers – the cheerful perky one, the dark one and the ones with the “perfect” body image on the cover. And they all kinda read the same as well:

Poor girl meets rich guy who whisks her away to a dream life all while spanking her.

Sad unloved girl meets alpha “insert wereanimal”

Woman get seduced by boss and have kinky office fling

EVERYONE confuses sex with love

100 shades of NOPE

Yes, yes I know it’s fantasy and i’m not gonna lie these writers sell a good amount of book – but COME ONNNNN. So I went in search of variety. Mainly because of something I’ve been working on. Let me tell you it was NOT much better.

Main character is a big woman – instantly she is frumpy

Main character is a minority – instantly thug boyfriend, 5 baby daddies, drug addict, falls for drug dealer.

This weird mafia lover thing that I can’t even explain.

Main character gay – I can’t even describe the types of wrong.

Why is this an issue for me – if I don’t like it then don’t read it. YEAH I hear you..100% BUT I am reading it to know exactly what NOT to do.  I think I sometimes feel bad because I can SEE the story, you know? Like I understand where they were trying to go but getting there was a lot. Or the ending just sort of fizzled out – like they just wanted to be done with it and i get that. I can be the same way when writing things. One shot stories – like JUST this scene and that’s it. Which is valid and you CAN do that you just gotta know THAT’S what you’re doing.

It also gives me hope, hope that so many writers are trying to live their dreams. That someone out there is writing every single fantasy they have ever had and publishing it. That stuff that would IN NO WAY actually be published but is getting out there and hopefully inspiring others to write.

OK thats my rant and i’m done…LOVE YOUR FACES

 

 

 

 

A Time of Grieving

My Grandmother passed away last week and I’m still pretty weird about it. Not so much sad, as sort of floating in limbo. She was 97 years old – a very long time to be alive. She was not always the easiest person to get along with. In truth she seemed to enjoy pitting family members against each other. don’t get me wrong I kinda understand – she enjoyed being in the middle of things.

The down side being she couldn’t really be close to people. When MY parents passed when I was 5 she took in my brother and I. She was already in her 60’s, she didnt have to but she did. My life with her was good enough – we got along pretty well. We didn’t talk often but when we did we laughed.

She also always gave me the weirdest advice.

Don’t let a man buy you icecream all he’ll think about is sex.

Always make sure you have $20 in your shoe in case of emergencies.

If you spend $600 on a pair of shoes the food you put in your mouth better be good.

Things like that. She didn’t tell me she loved me till I was 18 years old, but she explained that love was making sure you were fed and had a roof over your head.

I loved my Grandmother – she was the last tie I had to the town I grew up in, that i STILL live in. Now she’s gone and I think it’s time for me to move on. It’s a big decision for me and I’m scared out of my mind. BUT maybe things can now get better.

In Loving Memory

67701755_422259001714084_8043253528019337216_n

Grandma and Max

My Grandmother Martha Harris passed away on Wednesday August 7th. She was 97 years old. It has been tiring dealing with it. No not dealing with it but dealing with my family.

When I got divorced 13 years ago I moved back home with her. She didn’t judge me about it – just opened her door and let me and my then 10 yo son move back in. My Grandmother and I had always been close. She raised me when my mother passed away when I was 5. We knew each other well, agreed on a lot,  and had learned how to orbit each other.

My sister and I were lucky in that we got to see her before she passed. I did what I usually did – I made jokes. I couldn’t tell if she could hear me or not. I said I knew she didn’t want all these people hovering over her. That her comforter was ugly (something we always shared was our love for interior design). Mainly I cried – I cried a lot. The woman in the bed was not my Grandmother. In the movies and TV they show images of people passing in the hospital. Laying calm and collected – that is NOT how it actually is most of the time. She was still for a bit, then she moved around a lot, then still again. I wanted to stay for as long as I could – but I knew I couldn’t. There was other family coming and to be honest I didn’t want to have to see them.

No one family is perfect – not ONE. Life has 3 sides – your side, their side and the truth. The truth from my perspective is that most of my family does not like the other side of my family. They don’t even pretend – they sincerely hate each other. There are the aunts and uncles (there are 13 of them) and they have kids and so on and so forth. A lot of the cousins as we call ourselves have absorbed the animosity from their parents. It’s sad but true. I am an anomaly, mainly because my parents died when I was young. Then being raised by Grandma I had bits and pieces of everyone and everything. It felt like having to many mothers and fathers sometimes. Until I hit about 12 and then it was no one and nothing. Or rather the put downs and feeling like a black sheep.

BUT I digress – my Grandmother is gone and i’m gonna miss her. She made me promise to not write anything about her and the family until after she died.

How to ask?

I’m writing this because of something that has happened. So I have a Samsung tablet that is a “new to me” type situation. I HATED it for a long time. It doesn’t get wifi in my house in some spots. It takes forever to charge, but it was free so I didn’t complain about it. It was already 5 years old when I got it and that was 3 years ago.

Last night it flickered, flickered and died. It charged 100%, it just doesn’t work any more. That makes me sad as I had some things on there I wanted to keep. Thank goodness my pictures are in the cloud, So I don’t have to worry about that.

I was talking to a friend about it and they told me I should just buy a new one. I’m like UH I don’t have a budget for that. I am the main bread winner in my family. My son will be starting back to school soon so everything not in bills and rent is held for back to school supplies and clothing.

I do own a Fire tablet (more then 5 years old) – the screen is cracked so it has packing tape on it. I also have an ipad that is about 8 years old (also has the packing tape screen). Both were new to me items handed down from my sister. So I mean ok. I have a desk top at home – something I am crazy proud of as I built it from scratch about 4 years ago. It’s still working like a charm.

BUT the tablet I need for day to day things. Communication, emails, reading, writing, note taking, photo editing. Just tons of things. Now I have been doing some thinking about it – so unless someone wants to GIVE me an old device they don’t use any more. ‘m gonna have to figure something out.

A suggestion a co-worker gave was maybe start a donation thing. So I do have that on my Twitch page so I can get bits – but I don’t have like a donation page. It started me to thinking…WHY would anyone WANT to donate money to me? I mean my blogging is ok. My Twitch game play is ok. What other services could I provide? I do have stories I write and jewelry pieces I make. Which could be potential for a bit of extra money.

I don’t want to be one of those people that complains a lot about things. My financial situation is MY situation. There are people out there who have medical bills they need to pay, medications they need to buy, food they need to provide. I get it and it sometimes makes me feel guilty that I WANT things.

I have to say yes, I am thankful – I don’t own a car as everything is in walking distance to where I live. I don’t have credit card debt for the reason that I DON’T use the card for anything I can’t pay off right then and there. I rent and pay utilities – as is life sometimes. I pay for my own health insurance and it’s high, but in the long run has been a good investment. Health wise I take precautions for both my son and I to keep us in fairly decent health. I don’t have big overhead, I am frugal for sure. Thinking about this is actually making me sad. I realize I actually don’t do the luxury living things. I haven’t taken a day off from work in 15 years. I haven’t bought new clothing for myself in like 6 years. I don’t even own a cellphone and haven’t for almost 9 years. Building the computer was the biggest luxury item I bought 3 years ago. Tax returns are used for bills, groceries and new things for my growing son (cause kids grow). Which is not anyone’s fault; I made the choice to have kids so I have to provide.

Anyway – I’m going off on a tangent….so I made a link to my PayPal.  

I’m not sure how well it’s gonna go, but I figured I would give it a try…I think I’m gonna set a goal of $500. That way I could get the tablet, case, maybe pen (?)…well enough of my ramble. you all have a GREAT day.

Fiddling Around

So it has come to my attention there are things called Dollmakers. It’s a create your own character type avatars. It’s actually kind of fun –  since i’m all about character creation I did spend a bit of time on these.  There are a LOT of them out there so I tried some just to see what it was like:

https://www.dolldivine.com/ this one has about 13 pages of options here are some Avatars I made using random ones..2

Untitled

 

https://picrew.me/  : This one is a bit different then the other. Picrew is an image maker platform that allows you to create an image maker with your own illustrations and to play with your own image maker. The sight is in Japanese, but it wasn’t an issue since i simply translated. There are a lot of good ones here – but some that could use a bit of work. Since its creator made it’s limited by the persons imagination. Here are some I liked

download20190803091514

download20190803092707

download20190803102247

 

download20190803100907

download20190803103512

download20190803110332

download20190803111017

download20190803140054

 

download20190803135138

Enter a caption

 

These were just a few and although there were a lot of options some offered more then others. Since I’m always in search of a new Avatar one of these I MIGHT use.

MOUNT LOVE (not in a naughty way)

400px-Mounts

Mounts in most games I have played are a get to a destination thing. They don’t fight they just carry you somewhere. Elder Scrolls Online has a system where you can unlock storage space on your mount, very helpful to us hoarders. You can also unlock speed and stamina. The mount selection is big, but mainly just a re-skin of a current thing. I have about 4 horses, 5 cat mounts, a guar, a giant tick beast (that I love) and 2 bears. Each of my toons has a mount they like to use and the rest I don’t actually use that often. BUT they can be used as housing items. Which I think is VERY clever. Since they have idol motion they give a little life to a otherwise “dead” area. I’m hoping someday they will have Bull Netch mounts cause they are one of my favorite creatures.

Unorthodox_Tactics.png

I mean come on, I NEED a Battle Netch

 

Mounts were introduced to Guild Wars 2 in the Path of Fire expansion (which came out September 2017). Having mounts to me is a staple of MMORPG’s – you have to get around to different places. There may be a fast travel, but usually you have to pay for that most of the time. Now you can either run the distance or ride your trusty mount. The mounts in Guild Wars 2 are something else. Not only are they used for transport, but they can also fight. When you dismount you have this sort of attack skill. And each mount has its own thing.

Raptor: when dismounting they do a spin action that pulls the enemy to you. At first I wasn’t to big a fan of this as I am still working through my Thief Skills and thought for sure I was gonna die every time. In the end I was wrong, I have this really cool move I call spin to win and have been working on perfecting it during dismount. It basically is dropping like a stone in the middle of a fight, spinning and drawing enemies to me, hitting the dagger circle spin move then porting myself out of dodge. It’s been sorta kinda successful. Another skill is the long jump and I get a rush every time I use it, cause i’m SURE i’m not gonna make it.

220px-Raptor_(mount_skin)

This is what it looks like – generic right out the box – I named mine Nacho.

 

giphy

MurderCat got me a Skin for the Raptor

gw271

Her name was Nacho and it is now Salsa

 

Skimmer: It is a manta-like creature which hovers over ground and water. Its movement ability lifts it significantly higher, so it can cross dangerous areas, reach ledges, and avoid attacks. It doesn’t make any noise and seems like it would have a very rubbery texture in real life. It’s special skill is that it does this barrel roll thing that knocks back enemies and heals your allies. It took me a bit to get used to it – but I have to say I use it the most. The laziness of the travel – it’s like perfect.

During the Four Winds Festival they have Skimmer races and I make pretty good time. They also have a playful personality – spinning in circles. Tapping your back. I feel like if my Skimmer could talk it would have a hippy voice – lol

Skimmer_animation

Look at that good boy

Springer: IT’S A FREAKIN BUNAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….I mean let’s be honest it is what it is. This thing jumps SUPER high – its not really to fast over land though, which is it’s downfall. It’s also super cute – because BUNEEEHHHHHHHHHHH. I have to admit I’m surprised the thing doesn’t have brain damage at this point. Image if you will:

ME: There is a mastery point on top of this building

Bunneh: *makes weird llame sheep sound*

Me: OK we are gonna do this right..

First attempt – straight up and down super bounce, *skoot skoot forward*, Second attempt – Straight up and down super bounce.

Me: DANG IT

*skkot,skoot forward* Practice regular hops, a little more skooting

Me: OK me are gonna do this Bunneh…I feel it this time (get more llama/sheep sounds as reply).

Me: 150% confident i’m gonna make it this time. I can FEEL it in my bones….I am of course making weird grunting sounds as well.  I press the space bar to jump and BOOM. Full head pound into the ceiling – not once but a number of times. I finally get to the point that I’m surprised the poor thing hasn’t been knocked out. I am also stuck on a ledge.

We are midway up the building – I’m scared to dismount cause I’ve spent a good 45 minutes trying to get up here. There is a crowd of players of griffins and dragons just watching me fail. I’m not yet frustrated, i’m still trying. I know I CAN do it, I just have to figure out HOW I can do it. My friend Murder takes pity on me – we are in discord together even though we are doing different things. (it works for us cause when either of us finds something cool we just tell the other person to come to us). He is laughing at me. After coming over to to where I am and lectures me on the importance of proper training of ones mount. (It wasn’t really a lecture I just took it that way)…Since he’s a mesmer he made me a portal up……. NAILED IT.

Springer_animation

SO DAM CUTE

 

SO that’s it for now i guess, these are the only mounts I have – but i’m working on the beetle, which is taking a lot of time.

(Here is a little video I found for you to watch if you want to : https://youtu.be/JA6NSZNPMR0)