My Grandmother Martha Harris passed away on Wednesday August 7th. She was 97 years old. It has been tiring dealing with it. No not dealing with it but dealing with my family.
When I got divorced 13 years ago I moved back home with her. She didn’t judge me about it – just opened her door and let me and my then 10 yo son move back in. My Grandmother and I had always been close. She raised me when my mother passed away when I was 5. We knew each other well, agreed on a lot, and had learned how to orbit each other.
My sister and I were lucky in that we got to see her before she passed. I did what I usually did – I made jokes. I couldn’t tell if she could hear me or not. I said I knew she didn’t want all these people hovering over her. That her comforter was ugly (something we always shared was our love for interior design). Mainly I cried – I cried a lot. The woman in the bed was not my Grandmother. In the movies and TV they show images of people passing in the hospital. Laying calm and collected – that is NOT how it actually is most of the time. She was still for a bit, then she moved around a lot, then still again. I wanted to stay for as long as I could – but I knew I couldn’t. There was other family coming and to be honest I didn’t want to have to see them.
No one family is perfect – not ONE. Life has 3 sides – your side, their side and the truth. The truth from my perspective is that most of my family does not like the other side of my family. They don’t even pretend – they sincerely hate each other. There are the aunts and uncles (there are 13 of them) and they have kids and so on and so forth. A lot of the cousins as we call ourselves have absorbed the animosity from their parents. It’s sad but true. I am an anomaly, mainly because my parents died when I was young. Then being raised by Grandma I had bits and pieces of everyone and everything. It felt like having to many mothers and fathers sometimes. Until I hit about 12 and then it was no one and nothing. Or rather the put downs and feeling like a black sheep.
BUT I digress – my Grandmother is gone and i’m gonna miss her. She made me promise to not write anything about her and the family until after she died.