Category Archives: What am I talking about?


A large part of my childhood was spent alone – not that I didn’t have family I just didn’t really socialize too much with them. This was mainly I believe due to the fact that my parents passed away when I was very young. My Grandmother raised my brother and I and she was already pretty old by the time we started living with her. She had already had 13 of her own children (yeah BIG family – lol).

Interactions with my family were in some ways good and sometimes not so much – but of course anyone can say that. I spent a lot of time alone, I didn’t know how to relate to children my own age – I had an “Old” mindset. I also would often go with my Grandmother to work. She was a house keeper so I was exposed to people who were in a way higher payment bracket than I was. A lot of time was spent in my head trying to just be happy or as close as I could get.

A lesson I learned very early on was the art of the pleasant face. I would often smile and be outgoing because that was what was expected of me. I was of service. Of course when no one was looking I was very inquisitive and noisy always poking into corners and finding things out.

Was it the best probably not, I also found out I was a very lonely child. As much as I loved my cousins they weren’t my brothers and sisters. They had their own family unit and i was just tolerated. Of course that may not have been 100% true but it sure did feel like it. So i just tried to be myself – I went through phases. Goth, punk,metal, rap – I was never one to cause any serious waves but I was trying hard to figure out who I was as a person. I have to say my sister was a big help. She would often let me spend weekends at her house to sort of get away.

My sister is an artist and always has been and a lot of her friends were the same. They didnt’ judge me, they showed me a lot of things I might not have ever really seen otherwise. I learned about comics and music and dozens of other things. Later on I met my ex husband, he showed me all types of places in the city – somewhere I think I was afraid to go on my own. He gave me the freedom to be my weird self and try new things.

What does this mean? It means I am in a bubble and not in a bubble. There is a certain way I would like to see myself as, but most like never really be. There are things I am interested in, but now I often feel I am to old and missed the window for when that would be ok.

I don’t have a lot of physical in person friends because frankly I don’t really know how to keep them. I spend a LOT of my time at home and don’t really go out. When it gets to the point when someone COULD be my friend I seem to fall off the wagon – no contact and when I finally do its like nothing has happened on my end even if its been like years. Of course I think people understand this but I still feel sort of guilty about it.



Could have SWORN…..

I started writing a post on my tablet and apparently didn’t save the draft so when I logged in to finish it up  THERE IS NOTHING THERE. Oh well, life goes on I’m enjoying the blogging at least.


Everything is going well with the game – or not. SO I have it loaded on the computer in the kitchen (it’s a HP TouchSmart 9300 Elite – I got free from work). Victor spends a lot of time there if I let him. Which means it doesn’t have to be super powerful since he mainly plays online games like Roblox and stuff.

My mistake was I GUSHED over add-ons, without realizing what I was really getting myself into. There are for real so many different types to pick from, I went a bit crazy ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD the game wouldn’t load…lol.

I couldn’t figure out why – but I had some ideas of how to fix it. I went through a lot of different things – making sure the game was patched, making sure it was not broken. So I decided to get rid of all the CC stuff. Or rather I took everything out of the Mod folder in the game and put in a separate folder. I picked maybe 20 things and started with that. BOOM the game loaded – EXCITING. Since it was like 1:30 in the morning I decided to stop for the night.

Later I’m going to just delete all the add-on’s except for the ones that I know to work. I also loaded the game to the other computer, it’s more powerful and my gaming unit.


The new patch for the game is coming out soon and it’s Hallow Jack Season again…. it’s Halloween for ESO. So they are of course having new crates. I want to be excited about this, but there isn’t really anything there that holds my interest – BUT there is one thing I hate….



They call it the Hallow Jack Netch and I has QUESTIONS… did it get the pumpkin on its head? I mean I could understand almost any OTHER creature getting themselves all caught up like this. How did it get a pumpkin on itself? I’m going to be honest I HATE this thing, not netches mind you I love those things. BUT this is just stupid and ugly. I think it would have been a lot better to just change the glow of it to like orange and black or even red and black. Dear lord at least it’s not on FIRE. If they wanted to go with the cheese factor why not put a freakin’ ghost costume on it?


So I’m watching this show on TV here’s a link – it’s supposed to be based on the movies. Now I didn’t dislike the Purge movies – I in my own way enjoyed them very much. They do reflect an era we are living in. I went so far to write a few of my own stories based off of the movies. Well if you haven’t seen the show here’s a blurb from the website:

During a 12-hour period when all crime — including murder — is legal, a group of seemingly unrelated characters cross paths in a city in an altered America. While the clock winds down, some will fight, some will hide, others will embrace what it means to purge to its fullest extent — whether for revenge, personal gain, protection, or unadulterated glee. As each character is forced to reckon with his or her past and plot how to better their futures, they soon discover how far they will go on Purge Night.

To be honest I’m not sure how to take this show. I also realize I’m not the best at writing reviews so bear with me. The show starts a few hours before Purge starts – there are 4 stories going on at the same time. No main character but a bunch of main characters – if that makes sense. No lie some things seem really freakin’ boring and petty. Oh there is a cult of course sending out young people to die. A brother back from the Marines looking for his sister. A couple who want to get money from a rich guy and his family so they have to play nice. I would say give it a watch and maybe you’ll be into it – some stuff was very predictable, but i’m just that sort of person…LoL


One of my odd cogs

OK so I will say right now I have NO drawing talent at all. Like no was one of those things I never spent time on. In honesty I read a lot and spent a lot of time alone so you know. I can sew pretty decently, I’m not professional or anything but I do decent.

ANYWAY – I have never played D&D. I do write some, and I have to say I have used some of the D&D monster information for my stories. So one of the creatures I actually kind of like is the Myconid…..they are based off mushrooms.

So I figured I would just share some images of the FUNGUY…..(i know that was a sad joke).




It’s a Bit Much

So today I woke up 5 minutes before the alarm clock went off, I wasn’t annoyed or anything it just happened. So I got up and started the day – I’ve been at work doing the work thing and watching streams on twitch because it’s slow.

In all honesty I’ve been feeling sort of spread thin, just to many things I guess. I totally purged the house of a lot of things, moving furniture around. I had to give the dog up for adoption. (just couldn’t afford to take care of her any more). I’ve been also trying to write more. Not just the blog thing – but these stories that are sort of stuck in my head.

I’m getting bogged down in the details again. On the one hand I realize a lot of it is based on worlds I’ve seen already or read about. It’s like a fan fiction loop. I also want to write reviews for the stories I’ve been reading and I realize i’m not really sure HOW to do that. Plus trying to get some game play in and editing screenshots which can take a really long time. then having this crazy idea to stream my own videos. My brain is really on overdrive.

I’ll figure out soon enough.


My beautiful Greavy

American Gods


This was the original cover of the book I had.


This is the newest book cover.


HERE IS QUICK SUMMERY OF THE BOOK/SHOW: Ex-convict Shadow Moon roams a world he doesn’t understand, left adrift by the recent, tragic death of his wife. Little does he know his life is about to change after he meets a crafty, charismatic con man named Mr. Wednesday, who offers Shadow a job as his bodyguard. As their journey begins, Shadow encounters a hidden America where magic is real and fear grows over the ascending power of New Gods like Technology and Media. In a grand plan to combat the threat, Mr. Wednesday attempts to unite the Old Gods to defend their existence and rebuild the influence that they’ve lost, leaving Shadow struggling to accept this new world and his place in it.

I very much enjoyed this book, I read it so much that the cover was greasy to the touch, the pages were faded and discolored. I bought it second-hand on a whim from the used book store in my local library. It cost me 25 cents, best money I ever spent. If you haven’t read it – by all means GO NOW AND READ IT.

My first read through I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. After another read a few months later I was more prepared for it. In all the years I have owned it I have reread it at least 10 times a year. I really like it a lot. The story and the meanings and how I often have new thoughts every time. (I have to get a new copy soon as this was one of the books that was purged).

SO, in 2017 Starz made it into a show. I was pumped to see it. I was soooooo excited but not like super excited. Mainly because books don’t always translate well onto the screen – not pointing fingers but we ALL know that happens. I was happy with the actors they went with:

That chick from Sucker Punched (Emily Browning),

That SUPER sexy Old Guy from Dead Wood (Ian McShane),

Back to the future dad – that is like creepy sexy (Crispin Glover),


It’s freakin’ SATAN (Peter Stormare)

*Just a FYI – I’m not the greatest with remembering people’s names – it takes me a while to connect names to faces. If you’re an actor, its worst cause I’ll only vaguely remember what I saw you in. Then have to like google you later – maybe…most likely not cause I’m goin’ to forget why I needed to google you to begin with – LOL)*


One actor who I recognized was Pablo Schreiber – but it wasn’t so much the actor as the scenes he was in. They gave me feels – which I personally think means something. If I am watching a show and get a tingle (in my belly) then you’re doing a good job.


I legit call this one daddy issues – lol


It looks like he’s smelling ass – serious writing prompt right there.


That’s a lot of loss

Yeah yeah I know – it’s just sounds like fangirling – but I really do think he does a great job with this role. The character he plays in the show is so much more than in the book. he gets a thumbs up from me.


O he’s happy about that one 😛


Character Inspiration

So I like to write – I’m not very good at it. Or rather I get very caught up in it. I sometimes use real life people as inspiration for characters – so I thought today I would share one of the people I use:

Dylan O’Brien:



He has a very standard sort of look to me. He’s not UNattractive although thinking he’s yummy sometimes makes me feel SUPER old