Falling For Fallout 76

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Never in a thousand years would I say – YEAH FALLOUT. The Fallout games have been sort of floating around on my radar, but it didn’t seem like something I would want to play. It’s a shooter game and I don’t actually do those. Sword and Board is my place – the land of magical creatures and such. YES THAT’S WHAT I LOVE, which is why I’m still logging into MMORPG’s like Elder Scrolls Online and Guild Wars 2 (sometimes). They are my bread and butter, my peanut butter, my jelly and my jam……..

Things change I suppose, recently Fallout 76 had a free weekend, lots of people were talking about it so I figured I would watch some game play. It looked nice enough, but I still couldn’t really see myself putting any time into it. SO 4 days before the free trial was over I decided to give it a try – I even streamed those first moments. The character creation took a bit longer than I thought and was sort of counter intuitive for me, but I muddled through. Appearing in the Vault seemed so different to me and I have to say it was pleasing to the eye. I walked around a bit and finally went outside. Let me tell you it was very eye opening. I wandered around, killed somethings, got lost, got found, got lost again. Was in a weird loop of a friend of mine playing a game of “Lets scare the crap out of Sunny” which he seemed to VERY much enjoy. I played those days and decided to buy the game (nice that it was 50% off because I couldn’t have justified paying the full price for it).

There is SO much to do in Fallout 76 – I’m only level 16 (as of last night) but it is a lot of fun. Or rather so much fun for me because of how I like to play. There is a limited amount of players on the map at any time – which is good. I mean I like seeing other people; but I hate that I have a lower chance of getting cool stuff because it has been looted by somebody else. I have to say I have VERY quickly discovered the type of player I like to be. My main weapon of choice is a rifle (named the Hammy) – the ability to shoot things far off before they are in my face pleases me. My melee of choice is a machete (named the MurderCat) when things do  come too close for comfort. I also have a love of Molotov cock tales (named the Victor Special) – BURN ALL THE THINGS.

The game gives me a rush, yeah I get startled from time to time. I also get lost, not that anyone is surprised by that. I find quests by accident. One thing I can say is the game makes me braver – once upon a time Elder Scrolls Online had areas that were a specific level. Things didn’t scale to you, you fought or died. I really liked that about the game. Trying my skills at getting around higher level enemies without being detected, sneaking about in houses to steal stuff. Collecting mats WAY above my level – but something I was able to sell to make a bit of gold. That was a thing I LOVED about ESO – but as happens that changed. I didn’t play the game less I was just disappointed.

In Fallout 76 things DON’T scale to you – it’s fight or die. How has this made me braver? Well I find  myself defending myself from higher level enemies. That instead of running from a lone “boss” who may be 4 or 5 levels higher then me, I try to see if I can take them out. Case in point – last night I was doing the Nuke shine quest. I won’t go into detail, but I drank some hooch and ended up on the OTHER side of the map in a VERY high level zone. I panicked for a second, but figured hell let me explore. There were some low level mobs I took care of – but than this level 50 something robot thing came after me. I shot once, than BOOKED IT. The thing chased me and I freaked out, PRAYING I wouldn’t run right into something even higher in level. Or get caught in a dead end. It chased me for a while lol. But finally I gave it the slip. It was a great experience – I was so excited and happy that I had a way point unlocked so I could explore the area more when I was a bit higher level or rather when I didn’t have a lot of precious loot on me.

Fallout 76 also has housing – another weakness of mine; but they call them camps and I can move it around to where ever I am for a small fee.  My first one was – well it was something. Now I have my own little shack – which I plan on making even better. Once again sort of counter intuitive in the creating of a “house”. Maybe if you played Fallout 4 you would be able to know how things work – but since this is my FIRST Fallout game I had no clue. Which leads me to another point – I would like to buy the other Fall out games. To play through them and really get into the lore and history of it all.  Am I enjoying the game HELL YEAH. It is also inspiring me, after playing for a few days I started writing ( about 30 pages into a story at the moment, not just fan fiction but a real story that has been knocking around in my head).

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So I might actually be blogging more, mainly due to the things I discover and there are a lot of them. Or maybe just as a way to share things that i personally DIDN’T know and thought would be helpful to others. Yeah there are a lot of YouTube channels and blogs dedicated to that stuff, so whats one more out of thousands lol. Maybe I can even point readers in the direction that could help ^_^.

Well that’s it for now and I hope you enjoyed this – have an AMAZING Day…..

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Twitch and Thangs

I have been busy as of late – a lot of stuff was happening in my life. The possibility of my job closing, the chance of loosing my apartment, the realization that I am in fact getting older if I like it or not.

I looked at this year as a time to do things that I had out on the back burner of life, which is something that often happens when we least expect it. When we start to have kids and get caught up in paying bills we loose a bit of ourselves. Not saying I would want to change that but it seems as if its something that happens.

So this year my youngest son turned 10 and I had to have a long hard look at life. My son is mildly autistic – which is just something one has to deal with. I realized that I coddle him WAY more than I should. He is the sweetest kid – not perfect in anyway but a wonderful boy. I look at him everyday and realize that there was a lot of things he doesn’t do because I didn’t let him. So this summer we made a list of things that he needs to learn to do on his own. We started by saying he needs to start his own shower or run his own bath. Don’t get me wrong its not like I stand in the bathroom with him – I simply turn it on and leave the room. There are so many things he does do and I am proud of him..Is it me? Is it a parenting thing? We want our children to do well and be productive adults – the way the road goes I suppose.

So I have been slowly working through the things I would like to do. It’s a lot shorter than I originally thought. There are a lot of stuff that I have no real interest in doing anymore. I’m in that sort of paused limbo space – where knowing what I want may not be what is best for me. Anyways, so I have been plugging along with Twitch. Not that it’s anything crazy just when I can at this point. I would LOVE to spend more time playing but that would mean less time with Victor and I would hate to do that to him.

But after so many months I have become Affiliated – which was a HUGH deal. Yes I cried during the stream because I was so happy. (https://www.twitch.tv/sunnybunny251) but im gonna keep at it best I can ^_^

 

HOLY CRAP FAM

Ok so a lot has been going on and I need to write this down or I’m just gonna wallow in self pity. So I’m pretty sure I told you all about how my job may be closing down in August and the options I have are few to none job wise. I am the sole bread winner in my household and I have been really stupid about not saving money because I have been more or less living paycheck to paycheck.

NOW I have been streaming and after today’s stream later today I will be a twitch affiliate. It’s has been one of my goals to get here and I’m really excited about it. I’m also scared out of my mind – but that’s neither here or there. It is what it is and frankly I need to just shut up about it. NOW I know at this point I’m not gonna be a full time streamer, its something I do to have fun – as of late because of my home situation it has most definatly NOT been fun.

I feel like every day I am on the boarder line of a panic attack. Like full on just falling out, but I can’t because you know I have a kid and he doesn’t need to see his mother have a meltdown because he will have one as well.

I have gotten an offer of a place to sell my jewelry – pretty dam exciting but i’m feeling like i’m setting myself up to fail because I am 95% done with EVERYTHING I’m making. I’m so scared about it and its so not rational at all. BUT I can do it and I’m gonna do it. Which leads to other things I want to do craft wise – I feel like I can’t branch out just yet because I don’t have roots yet and its driving me in circles and crazy. MY BRAIN IS SETTING ME UP.

I’ve also gotten more into my spirituality or rather I have always been there but its getting a lot deeper now. Everything is pointing at success but I’m to scared to take the step. But I will be mad at myself if I don’t. It’s SOMETHING. Like HOLY FUCK (excuse the language of course).

So that’s whats going on – a lot of uncertainty and confusion and doubt. I hate this being scared of the future that I have little to no control over. I hate being this scared person who can do a lot if its pertaining to other people not so much for myself. I hate this life – but I’m living it and it is UGH.

The World Is A Shit Show

So things have been going on as of late. So they may be closing my job down by the end of August. Which now there still has been no word if this will actually happen. so I’m trying to plan things accordingly.

Sometimes it feels like everything is going well but then things poop all over you. I have been striving for happiness. I have been feeling very positive and working to make myself a more whole and spiritual person. I spent a full day working on pieces that I hadn’t had time to do. I was and am feeling good.

Yesterday for no reason at all my shoulder started to hurt. It may be a pinched nerve or just a low ache. So I first thought maybe I was having a heart attack. Its something that apparently happens. I took an aspirin and  although the pain went away it still hurts. If that makes any sense at all – lol. Now I’m still aching, it still hurts and im thinking its because of the way I sit at the computer and the way I sit on the bed when I craft stuff. Add on the way I sleep, so many things it COULD be.

ORRRRRRRRRRRRR it could just be stress. The thing is this – sometimes we want to live our lives a certain way. Sometimes we want to put ourselves where we want to be – but we also cock block ourselves. We stop ourselves from growing, we lock ourselves into these places where we are trapped and can’t get out.

For the past few months I have been letting myself grow, I have been opening myself up for change because I knew it had to happen. BUT when we open ourselves to change the Universe is gonna change us. Sometimes in big ways sometimes in small – but its gonna happen.

So changes are happening and I’m in this wave of events. I’m not going with sink or swim any more – im going with high and dry.

Hey

I have been working on a lot of other things. I stopped streaming for 2 months because I was feeling discouraged – not by streaming but by my computer which was being a turd. I am also very physically tired.

A lot of things I have no control over have been happening and I’m dealing. Not gonna go into details but it is what it is. I have had a lot of positive stuff happen and some not so positive. Such is life right?

I’m trying my hand at focusing more I think I can do it.

Whelp that’s whats going down. Thank you for keeping up with me on this whatever it is im on right now lol

LOVE YOU ALL…..

p.s. gonna try for once a week posting I think that will work better for me ^_^

Oh Hello Again

Yup it’s me – you know its me cause your following this blog…of mine….derp. Well life has been a journey of adulting. Working, dealing with snow, helping the Boy. He is in a special education program and he is being moved to the regular class next year. So what has been happening is he has been going into the bigger class for a couple of hours. He is ahead of his peers in math and he HATES to write. I mean he will do it, he just hates it. So I have been trying to help him foster that side of himself. I’m thinking of trying a voice to text program for him – not sure yet.

I have been playing ESO – I did the recent event. But a lot of my time has been helping a friend get his guild hall together. I don’t mind, but it’s a grind. I’ve also decided I want to actually finish dungeons with my main toon. So I’ve been doing those as well. I have the Hunters Glade house and have done nothing with it as of yet – still looking for Murkmire platforms and ramps. I had a realization the other day that I was actually soloing things with her – which is AMAZING.

This is my blog – there are many like it but this one is mine. There are other things I want to write about but not sure if I should put it all in one place.

Am I to Old to Be Cute?

I know you are wondering – what is she talking about now? Of course you can’t be to old to be cute – but hear me out cause I’m being specific about somethings. It took me a long time to write this post, frankly because I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to write it at all. If you’ve been reading the blog I have of course given out fun facts about me and my life. Pretty much how I more or less view myself depending on the mood by brain is in at that time. 

Now I am 42 years old – not a spring chicken in any stretch of the imagination. As for my looks I can go either way – I think I’m rather plain looking, but i have a good personality so there is that. Growing up my Grandmother instilled in me that looks aren’t all that important – while also saying they are. One should be clean and smile and be pleasant in personality. Clothing should fit well, hair brushed and if one were to wear makeup nothing overly dramatic. All good solid advice for sure. My aunts of course were DIVA STARS, the loved dressing up, wearing makeup and didn’t think twice about wearing wigs of various colors and lengths. I spent a good amount of time helping them to get ready for dates and parties and enjoyed it very much. I have an eye for coordinating things in a way that looked good and after dressing them would have impromptu photo shoots. They OF COURSE wanted the same for me to some degree – often trying to get me to do the same as them. I had my moments – my hair has been a variety of different colors and shaving my head was never a problem. Now though when i look at myself in the mirror I have times when I want to express myself more. I am IN LOVE with cute fashion. Quirky fashion. Cultural fashion. I like the combinations and the mix of colors or lack of colors, in a way this is all mixed up with these “personalities” I have. Not like multi-personality disorder, that is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly. 

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I know because of how I was raised I have a lot of disassociation. There us a part of me that will stay within these lines, but another part of me that doesn’t. It’s a bit crazy – I like wearing bows to work and fun colors. I make earrings and things like that but don’t wear them as they were considered “flashy” when I was growing up. I can apply makeup in a pleasant way that looks very natural.

What does this have to do with being cute? I have so many parts of my personality that I want to express, but don’t. I don’t know how to really be this carefree person I want to be. I don’t know how to convince myself that its OK. There isn’t anyone who’s permission I can ask – if that makes sense. It has been making me feel bad for a while now. Manly because I feel as if I’m doing people who are my “friends” a disservice. HOW can they be friends with someone who is so complicated? Which is selfish to say as ALL people are complicated. I think it’s because I don’t really know anyone I can be 100% myself with, not even myself. 

Add onto that I’m not sure how to make friends with people who share the same sort of mixed up interests. I don’t go out anywhere  – mainly because I have this feeling of guilt when it comes to ME instead of focusing on helping my kids. Which in itself is messed up because how can I expect well adjusted children if I can’t be happy with myself – which is deeper level weird as I don’t want to be fake to them. It’s a vicious circle and I’m getting tired of it now.

I know you can’t depend on others for your happiness/contentment. That you should look into yourself to be strong and be the person you want to be. I’m just having a hard time with it and have been for a while. In the end its not doing anything but making me feel sad and I don’t want to be sad anymore. Yesterday after I got home from work, made sure Victor was all together I went to sleep – at 7:30 pm. I woke up at 6 am this morning. Which is fine since he goes to bed at the same time. I didn’t feel any better, I’m drained most of the time now. There are some projects I want to do but haven’t even started yet. But whatever now i feel more sad so ‘m going to just end this here.

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